Well, I'm back. I have found myself in a strange state of mind this last year. Avoiding writing like the plague! The only thing I seem to enjoy is looking up anything I can find on Facebook & Pinterest... It's as if I am afraid of what is buried deep inside me. You know, the things that creativity could bring to the surface.
There have been times when I fell back into the safety of surface living, but my heart tells me that the Lord isn't pleased with it. Do you ever have those moments when emotions seem too difficult to allow sway? I find myself wondering if God is working deep in me or have I just stepped back from Him. Do we have to be open for Him to work?
Several years ago, I was worshipping God with my church's youth group and it was an amazing time. I wondered why my own worship didn't seem to have the results that this service was bringing. Suddenly, I saw myself so clearly and I saw something that frightened me. It was as if I was standing in a room and God was in the middle. But up to that point, I had been standing with my back to Him. My back to Him, but I still expected an intimate conversation. That intimate moment could not happen until I turned to face Him. When my back is turned to anyone, I cannot have any kind of communication, much less an intimate one!
Is this what I have been doing? Backing off? Distancing myself from anything that would infringe on my 'space'. Oh, I know God can still work in me. He is God, after all. But have I done what the disciples did after Jesus' death? They had lived with, watched, and ministered with the very Son of God. They should have had everything they needed to begin their own ministries. But what did they do? They went to what they knew. Fishing. And not fishing for souls. No fishing for fish, just what they had been doing before Jesus even came into their lives.
Is this what I've been doing? And if it is, then why? Wouldn't His work in me go much easier and faster if I actually took part in it? And am I willing to turn around, put the phone down, log off of the social pages and step forward? What will be the cost? What will be the reward?
1 comment:
Hello, Dearest Lara!
How GOD! That I was on the computer and going through my bookmarks and you had "decided" to get back to work". How Providential! The Elisabeth Eliot devotion today is also about what you are talking about. It is called "But I don't feel called". You can go to elisabetheliot.org to look it up. She is still going. Her birthday is a week from today, She will be 85. I love you and your sweet mama and Papa. I will be at OB-GYN Sout on the 27th. I always miss my sweet Margie it seems. Tell them Merry Christmas. I am praying for you. I love you, Miriam
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