Self Esteem & Chocolate Chess Pies

I went to a bridal shower on Saturday. The purpose was to stock the bride-to-be's kitchen. We served lunch and enjoyed all sort of yummy 'chick' food. My sister volunteered my Chocolate Chess Pies. While these pies can taste like heaven, they don't always present a pretty picture. The mixture frequently spills onto the crust before baking, and the top almost always cracks. As I was mixing the pie filling, I prayed, "Lord, please let them turn out pretty." Now before you think that I was praying that because I wanted them pretty for the bride or hostess, just stop. My reasoning was not that self-less! My thoughts up to this shower had been on myself. I just knew that everyone there would be thin, beautiful and married. Everything that (I feel) that I'm not. I started two weeks before in planning my outfit. I even had a pedicure so that I could wear open-toed shoes. I was afraid people would look at my not-so-perfect pies and say, "You know, that overweight girl over there, who isn't married? Those sad looking pies are hers." So, with that in mind, I prayed that God would make my pies pretty.

Shallow, huh? Well, that struck me as I prayed, so then I asked if He would help them to be a blessing... But I knew that HE knew that I didn't really mean it... Confused, yet? So, I laughed, asked His forgiveness, and prayed that He would be in charge and help me to overcome my shallowness.

The pies were a success and the shower was full of beautiful women who loved God with all their hearts. Not once did I feel judged or left out. My worries and struggles were for nothing. I felt silly and still do as I write this. But I can't be the only one who acts and feels this way, so here it is. You are not alone, we are silly together.

What silly things are in your thought patterns?

Lara

Mine, Too

Almost 20 years ago, in one of the darkest moments of my life, a great man told my father something beautiful that I still hold to today. My brother had broken the hearts of his family and his wife. His father-in-law, Bob Warner, called us and showed us the very heart of God when he said to my father, "Don, he's our son, too." Through the pain his own daughter was feeling, this man of God recognized our pain. Even now, almost 20 years after God's mighty restoration of my brother's marriage, those words resonate with me. Especially yesterday...

My beautiful sister-in-law, who allowed God to restore her marriage, called yesterday with a frightening diagnosis. Cancer had been found in one of her own family members. Disbelief, fear and nausea were my immediate reactions. There was no, and still is no, reaction of, "Thank God it's not my family member!" Because, you see, this woman is my family member. We have since found out that the cancer is still at Stage 1, which is a great relief. But cancer is still cancer, and I can have a hard time remembering that God is bigger than cancer.

You see, she's 'mine, too' and I'm still a little afraid.

Lara

Pride

I just read a blog from a college friend of my sister's, Bobby Lepinay. He is pastor of Harvest Outreach in Pensacola, FL. The website is http://harvestpensacola.com. His blog-site is http://bobbylepinay.typepad.com/ Today's post really hit home with me, so I've added it for you all to read. If you get a chance, check Harvest out, it's an incredible ministry.

Spiritual Pride
Many moons ago, when I was in my mid to late 20's, I went through a period of deep disillusionment with "church". I had begun to read alot of 'deeper life' Christian Classics, great in their own right, but for me, they worked discontentment in me concerning what I saw as the shallowness and superficiality of most churches.
This went on for quite some time. Without question, the Lord used the books I was reading to create a deeper thirst in my heart. But likewise, something sinister grew in me as well: Spiritual pride.
I could hardly be in a church service without this horrible attitude of "this is so shallow"......or "this is nothing but a religious pep rally" filling my mind. A critical spirit had filled taken control.
And the fruit of a critical spirit began to invade my life.
Even as I write, I am embarrassed by the fact I ever went here. But the Lord is merciful. Through a period of about 2 years, He delivered me from this 'toxic waste' of the heart, convicting me of allowing spiritual pride into my life.
I humbled myself and rather than criticizing the church, I began to just serve as a simple brother. I determined to be a blessing to my pastor. I determined to be a blessing to my fellow brothers and sisters. I determined to grow in my giving, to, as the Scripture says, "think of others as better than myself".
When that old feeling of criticism began to creep in, I resisted it and renounced it, 'crucifying' this work of the flesh.
That is what it is, folks. Spiritual arrogance and pride is a nasty, gross work of the flesh. It produces bitter water in us. Rather than being a free, joyful, buoyant life-giving personality, we separate ourselves.
We give less. We serve less. We love less.....
......We in effect make ourselves "little judges".
I see this more and more working in many 20 somethings. It is troubling. They have no idea how severely the Lord deals with spiritual pride, the sin of Satan himself. When I see it at work, usually in a younger person, I pray, as the person is so full of themselves and their own ideas they can no longer listen. Honor and respect for their elders has vacated their hearts.
It truly is a most dangerous place to be."

I don't know how many times I've allowed my pride to dictate my impression of people, circumstances & churches. Just wanted to send this your way, in case you recognize yourself, as I have.

Lara

Could you? Would you?

My home is neat, clean and very quiet. It is a 'sad' thing. The NY crew have headed home, and while they are happy to be back together, we B'ham crew are having our lonely moments.

Now we are trying to get back to our own brand of 'normal'. My pastor & worship leader have asked for a vignette to wrap up the final Sunday of a series on Noah. This part of the process can be easy, but I find myself wondering what his life was like. 'Evan Almighty' has given me plenty of funny and poignant ideas. While Evan's journey only lasted me two hours, Noah's lasted for years. What monotony, what nausea, what smells. In spite of how God brought the animals to him, in spite of how God, Himself closed the door, in spite of the rains, I know myself well enough to realize that those miracles might not have been enough against my doubt. The reality might have overwhelmed me against His plan. I guess that's why He has never asked me to build an enormous boat...

Lara

Time is too short

Isn't it interesting how close Heaven can be when you have those you love around you? My niece and nephews are down here in AL from Poughkeepsie, NY. The house is a WRECK and laughter abounds! Stealing hugs and kisses from a precocious eight year old. Snuggling with a ten year old who has snuggled just that way since he was born. Having 'grown up' conversations with my almost fourteen year old niece. I have heard that in Heaven, we never have to say goodbye to our loved ones, we will have unlimited time together! This month has been a small glimpse of that. There are other people who bring this type of delight into my life. Friends from Liberty Bible College in Pensacola, FL; friends from High Point, NC (after college); friends (and my sista's) from my jobs and my church here in Birmingham, AL. These people are not just friends, they are family. I long to see them on a daily basis, but God calls each one of us to different paths. Some days I can't wait for Heaven. I can't wait for that unlimited time with my friends! Love to all of you!

Lara

Sometimes I act like a two-year-old... Do you? I want MY way. I want My stuff. I want MY baggage. I just through with a week that I felt that way. I want to sleep, not get up early to read my Bible! I want to listen to my radio, not my worship CD! I want to play games, watch TV, or read instead of doing something productive! Now you may think that after weeks of VBS prep and VBS itself, that I deserve some down time--well, I thought so, too! So--I did just that! Days of 'I want, I want, I want!' Let me just let you in on a not so hidden secret. After down time that spreads itself a little (or a lot) too long, the heart and mind start to wallow. You know, like a pig. Mud can be rather heavy, let me tell you. Driving home, the other day, it was almost as if I woke up from my tantrum. I felt the weight of my 'self' and didn't like it. Tossing it off, I faced my Lord. There He was, just waiting out my selfishness. Did you know that forgiveness weighs nothing? It actually diminishes the weight on your shoulders? You can actually breathe better when you don't act like a two-year-old...

Vacation Bible School

Do you remember going to Vacation Bible School? I was just helping my sister, who is extraordinary with children, prepare for this year's VBS. And in the last few days, I have found such pleasure in recalling my childhood VBS's. I don't remember the different curriculums, but I do remember the sweltering heat of the Deep South. Then filing in with other children into the cold church sanctuary. I remember round cookies that had holes in the middle. I remember putting them on my fingers and eating around and around. I remember too sweet fruit drinks in tiny wax cups. I remember making things with glue, beans, and other things that would be gifts for Mama, Papa, Lisa or Richard. I remember laughing and singing. Just last night I realized that VBS is where I learned John 3:16. What a beautiful legacy. "For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son that whosoever believeth in Him, shall not perish, but have evelasting life." If you have children, please take them to a VBS this summer. If you don't, please volunteer in some way. What better gift than to make sure a child learn John 3:16 this summer.
Lara